Christmas according to the Christmas Carols

I realize Thanksgiving was late this year, but I'm still not ready for Christmas carols 24/7.  I like Christmas carols now and then, but what I don't like is that feeling that society is going to MAKE you get in the Christmas spirit even if it's the LAST THING YOU DO!! 

I prefer to have my carols mixed in with the regular music the way Adam Sandler's "Thanksgiving Song" used to be mixed in with regular music before Thanksgiving.  I prefer the more religious songs now, since they don't remind me of all the Christmas Traditions I'm failing to fulfill.  

As a kid I used to love the Johnny Mathis version of this song that my mom used to play.  I think there was a picture of Johnny sporting a fifties winter outfit and some skis on the album cover. 

You go on the sleigh ride - I'll stay right here by the wood stove...

"Sleigh Ride"

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing

Ring ting tingle-ing too

Come on, it's lovely weather

For a sleigh ride together with you

This sounds enchanting, doesn’t it?  Years ago I bought some authentic sleigh bells, thinking I’d ring them on Christmas Eve to convince the kids that Santa was on the roof getting ready to deliver the presents.  I had a vision in my head of the kids saying groggily from their beds (while still remaining in them - what was I thinking??) “Is that Santa?  Did I just hear the reindeer bells?”  The reality was that I would spend from 1-2 am reminding my husband not to talk so loud (SHHHHHH!!!! You’ll wake up the kids!) and then he pass out from exhaustion while I ate the cookies, the carrot, and cleaned up the Santa signs around the house.  By the time I got around to ringing the bells, everyone, including dad, was sleeping so soundly a train wouldn’t wake them up.

Outside the snow is falling

And friends are calling "Yoo Hoo"

Come on, it's lovely weather

For a sleigh ride together with you

I wished I had a horse drawn sleigh when we had our last big snowfall.  Instead of friends calling “yoo hoo” neighbors were calling other neighbors yelling, “HELP!  You have a snowmobile and I’m stuck in a snow-river of deserted bumper cars!”  I know this because I was one of those neighbors.   

Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap

let's go

Let's look at the snow

We're riding in a wonderland of snow

Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap it's grand

Just holding your hand

We're gliding along with the song

Of a wintry fairy land

Our cheeks are nice and rosy

And comfy cozy are we

We're snuggled up together like two

Birds of a feather would be

We’re nice and cozy and then we get wet and cold and cranky and I have to put everyone’s crap in the dryer or the house will be decorated with wet socks.  

Let's take the road before us

And sing a chorus or two

Come on, it's lovely weather

For a sleigh ride together with you

There's a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray

It'll be the perfect ending of a perfect day

We'll be singing the songs we love to sing without a single stop

At the fireplace while we watch the chestnuts pop

Pop! Pop! Pop!

Did we take our sleigh to Farmer Grey’s house? Is there enough sleigh parking for everyone?  And who besides my mother eats chestnuts? And if you put them in the fire, when you fish them out, won’t they taste like ashes? And if they pop, will we all have to wear goggles so no one gets an eye shot out?  I went to a Christmas caroling party last year, and it was nice, but I think it was mostly the ladies who enjoyed it.  I would have had to drag my husband there by the ear for him to attend something where the goal was to sing Christmas carols in public.

There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy

When they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie

It'll nearly be like a picture print by Currier and Ives

These wonderful things are the things

We remember all through our lives

When I was a teenager, I was warned by countless people not to read so many romance novels, since they would give me unrealistic expectations about love and marriage, however, no one warned me not to listen to Christmas music.  Currier and Ives!  Did the song writer realize Currier and Ives was famous for prints and paintings, not parties?  

                                         "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Everywhere you go

Take a look in the Five and Ten

Glistening once again

With candy canes and silver lanes aglow

I loved Bing Crosby’s version of this song.  I liked his “buh, buh, buh, bah” and the way he made everything sound so casual, like he just happened to be walking down the street, and the Christmas stuff is there happening all around him and it’s just so easy that you don’t even have to plan it, you just look around and participate.

Jealous that my tree is up and festooned with presents?  Don't worry, this is a picture from last year. 

Yes, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but let’s be truthful here - it was looking a lot like Christmas as soon as Halloween was over, let alone before I came out of my turkey induced tryptophan slumber on the recliner.  And by the way, do you know ANYTHING that actually costs five or ten cents nowadays?  How about five or ten dollars?    

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Toys in every store

But the prettiest sight to see

Is the holly that will be

On your own front door

The other day I went to Costco and I was debating between holly for my front door and a nice beautiful wreath of faux greens and ornaments... but then I decided that food was more important, so I got neither.

A pair of Hop-a-long boots and a pistol that shoots

Is the wish of Bonny and Ben

Dolls that will talk and go for a walk

Is the hope of Janice and Jenn

And mom and dad can hardly wait

For school to start again

I really do like when the kids are home for vacation, but I wish my kids wanted Hop-a-long boots and a pistol that shoots.  Most kids want things like X-Box One and/or the lastest iphones, laptops and assorted other staggeringly priced technology.  We could probably keep Janice AND Jenn and all their descendants for the next 3 generations stocked with walking talking dolls for the rest of their lives for the cost of one X-Box One.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Everywhere you go

There's a tree in the Grand Hotel

One in the park as well

The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow

Decorations... yes they are nice, but it takes days to haul them out, set them up, break assorted pieces, cry with frustration because you can’t find the such and such that goes along with the whatchamacallit, and then just a few days after Christmas, you have to pack all that crap up again and put it away.  If you get a “real” tree, you have to worry about it drying out and becoming a fire hazard that could torch your house in a split second, especially if you’re the type who forgets to water it, or you have a dog that likes to drink balsam-fir-needle-sap-flavored water. 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Soon the bells will start

And the thing that will make them ring

Is the Carol that you sing

Right within your heart

This brings me to one of my biggest complaints.  I like Christmas music, but I don’t want to hear it NON-STOP from the second the Thanksgiving turkey comes out of the oven until Christmas day... And then between Christmas and New Year’s - no Christmas music! What’s with that? Just when I can FINALLY relax and enjoy Christmas, Christmas is over.  Go figure.