Teetering on the Brink

     At the beginning of the week, I was dithering about what to write next… should I write about my great day trip with some friends to see Mary Poppins on Broadway?  (I don’t know, I forgot to ask my friends if I could post their pictures, and posts are always more fun with pictures) Should I write an update on the set design for the play at my school? Not too much progress there, except for the giant mushroom, which is still only a skin…

     And then my little 8^th grade friend, “Rose,” came into the office looking for an administrator.  She sat down and was more than willing to talk to me while we waited for the AP to arrive.  Was something going on with another student? No.  A teacher?    “No, I’m just so stressed out,” she said,  “I can’t take it.  I want to get switched out of school and get home tutored.  I’m tryin to do my homework, and come to class, and not talk back and it’s HARD when these teachers are gettin in my face, askin me stuff.”

     No one, it seems, ever taught her appropriate coping skills.

     And trust me, a lack of appropriate coping skills is the least of the problems she’s inherited from her home environment.  We talked about when she told off an adult a few weeks ago.  I suggested that there are times in life when you disagree with someone, but it just doesn’t serve your purpose to say anything about it, especially using your most colorful language.  She said she truly believes that, although she has been trying to keep her mouth shut when necessary, if she doesn’t speak her mind, then she’s not being “true.”

     I nodded.  I could see her point, but in this case, being “true” was working against her.  Something about her use of the word "true" bothered me… as if choosing not to speak in this case would make her “false,” as in, a liar.  It seems that she has much experience with liars.

     The AP came in, and she poured her heart out to him, too.  Ironically, all this from a girl who professes to not want to talk to anyone – not want to tell anyone anything about her life or her family.  He listened patiently, and validated what she was saying by summing it up every so often.  I could hear quite clearly through the door.   She was trying really hard to continue doing the right thing.  She said she never was in school this long before, but she was trying really hard because “you all are so nice to me, and you made my birthday the best ever” (a few of us gave her small gifts), “…and you don’t want to disappoint us,” he said.  She dissolved into tears.  I heard sniffling from my side of the door.  I could tell she was nodding.  He is a good listener.

     He told her to try being like a racehorse with blinders on… keep focused on the goal, and don’t look to the sides and get distracted.  She has a tough situation at home, but she can get there, she just has to stay focused.  He told her that he was there to help.  She came out of his office wiping her eyes.  I told her to come down at lunch time any day she wanted.  She went to class when the bell rang, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind for the next two days.

     If I could just WILL her to succeed, I would.  If I could explain to her that her life can be anything that she wants it to be, I would do it tomorrow, but in reality, all I can do is be there, watch, and wait.

    Rose, I’m rooting for you.          

Going out on a limb

I've had this idea for a couple of weeks, and today I just decided to give it a go.

We have a student at school who is, shall we say delicately... edgy.  She's been suspended several times and was out of the building for several months last year - I can't remember exactly why.  She seems to have a hairpin trigger of a temper, and she seems to be very sensitive (as we know, that can also sometimes be a hinderance in life), is easily offended, but is very smart.  Schoolwork comes easily to her when she decides to do it.  Let's call her "Rose." 

Rose is in the grade that the AP I work with is in charge of, so she has been in my office a few times both when she's been in trouble or when she's serving a detention, and we've had some pleasant conversations.  The last time she was in, she told me, "See, I can have a conversation with you, and you give me respect, and I give you respect, so why can't these teachers give me respect?" (I thought, if I tell her I'm actually a teacher, too, will she turn on me like a rabid dog?  I kept that piece of information to myself for the moment.) I tried to explain to her that they weren't meaning to disrespect her, but they are very focused on getting their job done, which is trying to teach her and others, so it's possible that she perceived disrespect when none was intended.  I said that they were trying to get her to do her best work.  I'm not sure she was ready to hear that, but I think my comment got scooped up for possible digestion at a later time.

Since then, I've been thinking, this girl needs to see herself do really well at something.  She needs to take pride in something she's done... see herself in a different role.  I am going to be the set designer for this year's school  play, and it occurred to me that she might be interested in working with me to create my sets.  I've rolled this around in my head for a while...  She might be interested, but then again, she might rank on me and think I'm trying to buy off her good behavior.  (Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained). Worse, she might accept and then behave attrociously when she's under my watch.  The could be a problem, but then, that would be the last day she'd be helping me. 

Today, as typically happens with Rose's freak-outs, I heard her from way down the hall.  Imitating the adults who were trying to talk... cursing like a sailor... refusing to come in the room or sit down. Other kids were in the office at the time, so they finally sent her to sit down and cool off in another location. 

About 15 minutes later, I thought, well, it's not like I'd just LOVE to hang out with her now, but if she has something to look forward to and maintain good behavior for, maybe she'll be able to get herself together.  I proposed my idea to my AP, and he brought Rose over and put the idea to her.  "You know, we want to see you have some positive experiences, be successful at things.  You know my secretary," he gestured to me, and she nodded.  "She knows that you're interested in art, and she wants to know if you want to work with her to make the scenery for the play." She looked stunned.  Almost speechless, actually.  Did I detect some wateryness in her brown eyes?  "I thought you might like to help me.  If you're interested."  I said.  She nodded yes.  "Great!" I said.  This should be a learning experience for both of us. Wish me luck.