Monday, December 12, 2011

Drunken Santa

We went to the city this weekend.  The city, as in New York City.  For my daughter's birthday, she wanted to go to the American Girl store, walk around (and buy some 5.00 pashmina scarves) and see the Christmas tree.   We planned a nice day - it was the immediate family, grandma, and my daugher's friend and her family as well.  Lovely right?  I thought so.  And we did have a good time.  But there was something disturbing about Saturday.  It was Drunken Santa Day.  Apparently, someone had planned a meeting of people dressed in all manner of lewd Santa costumes.  A pub crawl in Santa suits. 

Now, I have nothing against pub crawls, although I've never crawled from pub to pub, but hey, to each his own.  What bothers me is lewd, drunken, pub-crawling Santas.  As soon as we arrived at the train station, we saw an unusual amount of policemen, and my husband asked them, "Aren't there a lot of you guys here?  What's going on today?" to which one of them responded, "some Santa thing going on."  Santa thing?  Is this a new thing?  If not, how did I get through my youth without ever once seeing hundreds of drunken santas parading around New York slurring Christmas greetings to everyone and singing bawdy Christmas songs? 

We saw Santas in skin tight union-suit-like onesies, like giant red babies with beer cans instead of bottles, leering Santas, Santas wearing short skirts, Santas with their cleavage hanging out, Santas hitting on elves...  I even heard a Santa cat-call as we were crossing Time's Square.  Santas should just not cat-call. I'm sorry, that's just my belief.

I was torn between finding this whole thing sort of funny, and being grossed out. Don't get me wrong, I was not disturbed about having my kids see these crazy Santas. 

(excuse my horribly grainy photos, folks)

They're old enough to know that people dressed up in Santa suits are still just people.  I was personally disturbed. It's like imagining Santa doing any number of things you just should not imagine Santa doing.  (ugh - my eyes, my eyes!!)  Respect the suit.

Santa shouldn't do things like pass out in Penn Station, is all I'm saying.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sleep is SO overrated...

3:00 a.m.  
…suddenly… inexplicably… I’m wide awake.
Why can’t I ever be this awake at 5:15 on weekdays when the alarm goes off?
It’s 3 am.  What is it with me and 3 a.m.? 
I have to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow (or is that today?) and look for that Christmas snow blanket stuff so I can make that sample light-up planet for the play.
I should fold some laundry.
I should get up and wash another load of laundry right now – Lord knows I have so much of it.
Did I charge my phone last night?
I should wrap some presents.  I should have gotten those gift cards while we were out last night.  Damn.  I have so much to do tomorrow, how am I going to get it all done?
We need more guinea pig shavings – I should start a Wal-Mart list.
Would any other teachers besides Mr. S. even want to go to our class reunion? Let’s see… who else might still be alive?
It’s Rose’s birthday on 12/16.  Wonder how she’s doing…  Hope she doesn’t drop out of school when she turns 16.  Hope she doesn’t land herself in juvie… or get pregnant. 
Get Rose a birthday card.
Gotta go to Home Depot tomorrow for some chicken wire for the planets, and then Michael’s for the battery operated lights.
Christmas card pictures.  I have to take them tomorrow.  Where the heck am I going to take them?
3:45 a.m.
May as well get up and do that laundry.
Why am I putting the dirty laundry in the dryer? 
Wonder if Costco is going to get that cranberry white chocolate cookie dough again… yum.
My neck hurts – I should make more of those microwavable warmers – damn you, broken sewing machine!
I should put on some more moisturizer…  will I get added benefits from an additional application in the middle of  the night?
How many more paydays till Christmas?  I should have gotten those damn gift cards!
Oh, I still have to collect those pine cones for girl scouts next week…  where IS my glue gun?
Should I take the Christmas card picture in the field?
I should listen to my Playaway while I’m cleaning, but then, will I later fall asleep perseverating on The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest?   Better not.
I should practice some karate…  will I EVER learn uke waza?
What should I make for dinner?
6:10 a.m.  
 Oh, I think I’m getting tired… hallelujah!
Good thing it’s Sunday. 
Good night. Or is that good morning?