Thursday, December 6, 2012

Slacker Elf

I've been surrounded by elf-talk for the last few weeks, so I decided our house needed an elf, too.   We talked about all the fun stuff our elf would do, and we were looking forward to joining the world full of homes with Christmas elves.

However, all we could find was this guy.

He's a bit of a slacker.  There is no hanging from light fixtures, flirting with Barbies or making snow angels out of flour (by the way, to any future elves: I'll turn you into a dog-toy faster than you can say "Christmas cookies" if you attempt that one).  Our guy has no personality, or, as someone once said about me, he's a bit "flat."

I'm not amused by my elf's sluggish behavior.  Just a little while ago I caught him just lounging around on the couch, and I thought, maybe he's as new to this elf game as I am so I thought I'd give him a few suggestions on how to carry out his elf-ly duties:

Dear Elfie, 

You look bored, so I thought I'd offer a few suggestions on how you can spend your evenings.  You can start by unloading the dishwasher.

...and loading it up again with the dirty dishes.  Maybe you can teach some other people how to do it, too...

I could use someone to clean out the fridge.

Emptying the trash would be nice, too.  If you really feel the need to perform some acrobatic stunts, you can do a couple of back flips or get stuck in the pail or something.  I'm leaving that to your discretion.    I promise to laugh. 

I also have a WHOLE bunch of laundry that has to get done.  The kids will promise to find you amusing, too, if you put their folded laundry away so I don't have to ask them to do it. 

There's also a few strings of lights still sitting around, waiting for someone to hang them up.  We will all TRULY believe in elf magic if you can get those tacked up while we're all sleeping.

How about entertaining the dog?  That would be FABULOUS!!  Just be careful, Elfie!  She CHEWS EVERYTHING!  How do you think that piece of duct tape got to look like that?   

And last, but not least, if you fill the wood rack on the porch with wood, I will be happy to see you then spend the following day resting on a shelf near the fire.  

Welcome to our house.  ;-)


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