Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Chopstick Disability

Tonight I went for sushi with some friends.  It seems that I have a mild chopstick disability.  When the only utensils on the table were chopsticks, I felt a bit of panic rise up in my chest.   I'm no stranger to chopsticks, but still, they mystify me.   I wondered, would this be the night I shoot a California roll 10 feet to hit a fellow diner in the face while I try to grip it with my awkwardly flapping chopsticks?

I had no idea the food in a "roll" was cut to this size to make it easy to eat in one bite.  Apparently this is because even a talented chopstick veteran probably can't cut with a chopstick.  You can make an attempt to stab your food, but said chopstick is not pointy either…  and with no cutting ability whatsoever, my question of the night was, what if I don't like it?  That's a helluva big bite to spit slyly into your napkin.  I want to know, what is the point of chopsticks? I'm not trying to knock chopstick wielding cultures, but as civilization developed, why did they hold onto the notion of eating with two straight sticks as opposed to developing more specialized eating utensils, like forks?  Do they help develop fine motor skills, or do lots of people in chopstick cultures require occupational therapy to get the hang of these things?  Do they pass out rubber bands there to help out as well?  Is fork usage one of the causes of obesity?

I still think cheap plastic utensils rate way higher on the annoyance scale.  Chopsticks are interesting at least, and they are their own unique item, not a thing trying to be something else, like a damn cheap, bendable, plastic spoon.

By the way, the food was awesome, and if I tell you the restaurant's name and location, then I won't be able to get a table there without a reservation, even on a Wednesday.  And they were nice enough to let me cheat a bit by giving me a fork and a knife as well.

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