Monday, July 8, 2013

5 Reasons Why I Would Not Make a Good Boater

     Living on Long Island, it is no coincidence that we have many good friends who are boaters.  For the purposes of this post, I will call them boat people - they are the people with boats.  Though I love these people dearly, I do not share their passion for boating, and I have come to the conclusion that I will most likely never be a boat person.

Look at these boats... they're beautiful, and it's a beautiful setting.  Who would not want to spend lots of time out here on one of those lovely boats, communing with nature?   For the past week or so, Long Island has been in the middle of a heat wave, which means it's been above 90 degrees and humid as a sauna.

1.  The heat.  When it's 90+ degrees and humid as a sauna, the LAST place I want to be is out in the blazing sun.  My boat people friends were out there walking around looking fresh and sunny and I was melting like an ice cream cone on the hot pavement.

2.  All that moving of stuff - onto and off of the boat...  the food, the bathing suits, the towels, the sunscreen...  Am I making too big of a deal out of this?  And what if I forget something?  My husband makes fun of me sometimes because I would forget my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders.  With a boat, you're carrying stuff into your car, then from the car to the boat, then the boat to the shore, then back into the boat, then back into the car, then back into the house.  Seriously though, all this movement reminds me of the futility of making my bed - why should I make my bed every morning when I'm only going to get back into it again in a bit more than 12 hours?  Does everyone not feel this way about making the bed?

3.  The sunscreen.  Sunscreen works well when you use it.  Mr. Golden Sun may look friendly, but don't let him fool you - when you're not paying attention he will sneak up on you and fry you like a slice of crispy bacon.  There is no time off for good behavior - you may have used sunscreen all of your life, but he's just waiting for that ONE time you forget (ask me how I got THIS particular piece of wisdom) to give you sunburn lines that make you look like a human version of Rudolph, and remind you in not so subtle ways of the EXACT length of your shirt sleeves that day.  If you think that's bad, in a few days you'll be peeling like a snake.  Fun stuff.

4.  Salt and Sand.  Under my toes - awesome.  In my hair - not so much.  Don't get me wrong, when I was a little kid, I used to put sand in my hair because I liked picking it out.  I'd swear that people with dreadlocks start their dreads with a trip to the beach.  Personally, when I want to say goodbye to the salt and sand with a nice fresh-water shower, the thought of swaying to and fro with the tide while attempting to rid myself of the cup of sand I've accumulated during the day sounds like it requires a little too much coordination.  

5.  Which brings me to...  my lack of sea-legs.  My mother-in-law states that she got sick on the tea-cup ride at Disney World.  Well, I am right there with ya, Mom, and a day of swaying to and fro is probably more than my eustachian tubes can bear.  See the boardwalk in the picture below?  There are some days when I feel like that on dry land.  (By the way, wavy boardwalk courtesy of Hurricane Sandy)

In the same way that my husband can go to a party, be the life of said party, and then, somewhere are around midnight (you would swear he was Cinderella) be seized with the need to go home RIGHT NOW because he's grown tired of socializing, I can go to the beach, enjoy the sun, sand, etc, and then somewhere around sunset, become VERY GLAD that I don't own a boat which would require me to stay a few minutes longer.  So boat people I am more than willing to spend some time visiting you at the beach. I will totally enjoy the atmosphere and your company.  But when it's time to go, it's time to go!  Until next time on the water!

Love, the Landlubber!


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